Well, its a day and a bit past christmas day now and things are starting to get back to “normal” for many people. Not much goes on in my life… no family around, the ex is… the ex. My daughter is with me some of the time so I end up often wasting much of my time on the web. Most of that time is on facebook which I will admit is a way for me to feel part of something. It’s that tribe thing. In school I was part of the sports tribes. After school I was in a party tribe, then after that I was in the Navy tribe. After the navy thing, I was in limbo for a number of years until I started my own security company and we formed a tribe of sorts. When that ended, again I searched until I worked at an awesome market where once again I felt part of a tribe. When that ended… again the search began and it brings me to today. I have a new job, but I dont feel part of that tribe. I find however that my current tribe belongs in a web based format. Outcast Studios is my tribe these days. I draw a lot and love it and have been a member of this web forum for several years now. I have developed a friendship with a gang who I have never met or spoken too except in this format of typing yet… I feel they are my tribe. I do yearn for a more personal tribe to be a part of and one day it will find me or me it… of that I trust. It’s this Facebook tribe that bothers me today. I go on it a lot and see whats going on, comment all over the place and have fun. I use it to promote this site and lately my comic work. It’s a handy thing. I would say that 60% of my friends on Facebook are legitimate friends. The rest are people I knew long ago or people I network with, more casual friends I suppose. Some not friends at all but just people curious about me. Thats nice too. Today though… many of my friends are making comments about their big screen flat plasma tv’s they got or their new laptops or iphones, or 678gigabyte mp3 players (no, they dont exist… wait for it) and so on. Now, part of me is a bit jealous I suppose. I got a bottle of cheap wine, 3 dvd’s, some chocolates and that was pretty much it. Funny thing is… I really enjoyed christmas. I spent it with the ex which allowed us to open presents with our daughter together for the first time and it was nice. We played with the toys, we went and played in the snow later and I was invited as a tag along with her to see family whom I havent seen much of in years. Because I normally spend christmas very much alone and bored… this was nice. Very nice. So… going back to my “friends” and their hi priced presents… I feel kind of sad. Sad for them that is. They are where I have been long ago. The family buys you expensive gifts so you in turn do the same. Each year it kind of snowballs to the point where everyone is dropping so much money on the other and you kind of expect to get that big dollar gift in return. If you dont, their is hurt or maybe even anger. People talk about the “spirit of Christmas” but do they really know what it feels like? I would like them to spend a couple years waking up with nobody in the house and nothing under the tree but about 3 christmas cards from family (no money came in them) and all you got is the tv to turn to. I wonder how they would fare? I know it was tough for me. Very. It’s this humbling that I have rec’d ever so gradually in my life that brings me to finally and truly appreciate the little stuff. Sure… 2 of my 3 dvd’s I cant even watch because they are on blue ray and I dont have a player but it doesnt matter… I know the thought that went behind them. THAT is what I appreciate. I kind of feel a bit sickened by it all actually. Having such a fun and humble christmas and then reading about such extravagance is… well, it’s hard to digest. I wouldnt say my friends are greedy. If they were, I wouldnt call them friends. I know they are good people and worthy of my friendship. They just dont know any better it would seem and like many… caught up in the way their families do things.
Well… I could go on forever on this but I better stop there. It is Christmas still and this negativity I am feeling isnt good. Time to change the thoughts and move on.
I hope you had a great holiday and that you understand what the spirit of Christmas is.
Cheers
Scott
